Trying....

Things have been pretty crazy lately. Nick and I are still donezo and I don't know if we'll ever get back together. He has admitted to me that he does love me, but doesn't know if he's in love with me.....OUCH. That one hurt. So, I made the decision to say Goodbye and only talk to him if it concerns Alexandra. It is really hard because I do still love him. We've done this before and we manage to set things aside later for a quick fix and get back together, but it's just like stacking up our problems til the next big fight. I don't know? Sometimes I know Nick is the one for me, but we just have that love hate relationship. The kind where you can't live with them, you can't live without them. Ahhh, I hate it.
We got together earlier this week for lunch, the 3 of us. On Sunday we are getting together to have Alex's pictures taken, which is kinda weird. I just wanna try and be nice and see where that takes me and him. Only time will tell I guess. Well, I gotta get some rest, Goodnight.

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Valentine's Day.

On this day of love, I feel alone. I wanted to get up this morning and feel happy and make the day great for Alexandra, but it just reminds me of what I don't have.
As I think of couples and families together, I feel like I just want to cry. It's finally a beautiful sunny day and I have no plans.
I miss Nick and wish he was here. Alex is super cranky, I wonder if she wishes the same thing.
I wish I didn't feel this way.

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My Life Now....

As you can see I haven't been on in a couple months and there's a reason for that. Last time I wrote my family and I were looking for a new place to live, some really unexpected news came up and we were not able to get a place in time. So, we moved in with Nick's mom's house.
We were really lucky to have been invited to stay, since the holidays were just days away.
Well, while we were there Nick and I got into a huge fight and we split up.
So, I've been on the down low, ever since. I am completely sad and filled with thoughts of why.
We have been through so much in the past 5 years, it wasn't always perfect, but I knew he was the one for me. We just had very different views on big issues and he just thought it was more important than us I guess.
I don't know what the future will bring us, if maybe one day we'll put our differences aside and move on, but I hope it brings happiness no matter what. I just hope and pray that things will get better soon! Thanks for reading!

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