We're back together!

Yes, it's true! Nick and I are back together! Woo Hoo! Wow, I was so happy when we talked things over and decided to give it another go! Things are going great so far, it's been almost a week and it's going well. We haven't fought and I 'm not planning on it! We have been talking about moving to San Diego though, he lives there now with a friend, but we would like to have our own place. He has been filling out application left and right and has some interviews lined up next week. There are some really great jobs out there that he's looking into and I just pray that he gets one making some good money! Things here are so terrible, I really need to get the heck outta here. It's just not a good environment for Alex and I. So I pray that things start looking up and fast. Nick and I have decided to go to church, this Sunday actually. I'm so excited! I really don't want to do this again, ever. I want to just start fresh and be happy again. We have talked about so many things and the future. We just really want this. We are going to Las Vegas next month with Nick's roommates, so excited for that. Alex is going to stay with her Grammy, so it should be a really nice mini vaca for Nick and I. So, yeah that whats going on, pray for us and that things start looking up......fast! We need all the prayers we can get! God Bless!♥

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Where did I go wrong?

So today was pretty hard. There's so many things going on and I just can't keep up. My mind is on go 24/7 and I'm exhausted. I feel like I'm being challenged in every way, as a mother, as a friend, as a women, the list goes on. This is such an important moment in my life, I feel. Like this is going to make me or brake me.
I haven't been able to let go of Nick. I guess I just feel like this was all so unexpected. We've always had problems and so many people think we're just not for each other, But there's just something there. Something that I can't or am willing to let go of. I love him. Always have. I know if we just tried we'd be great. We've been there, we've had it all. It's hard, but the out come is so worth it. I hate that Alexandra is going on 3 and Nick and I have already broken up twice. For months at a time. And he's so darn hard to read. He doesn't open up like he used to and talk to me. It's so frustrating.
He's been so terrible with Alex too, he rarely sees her or calls. It drives me crazy, it's his daughter for goodness sakes. I can't stress it enough with him, but it just goes through one ear out the other. That puts a huge burden on our relationship, because there's no excuse for it. She needs him whether we're OK or not.
All I know is I have allot on my plate and I'm doing everything when it comes to her. She lives with me, I feed her, bathe her, change her, potty train her, wash her clothes, buy what she needs, wake up with her in the middle of the night, etc.
He goes to school full time and that's about it. He's not working and hasn't since last year. It's amazing to think what we had, a luxury apartment, we each had nice cars/SUV, both of us had great jobs that paid well, money in the bank, nice things, and more.
Don't get me wrong those are all materialistic things, but from that to this.......we're both at friends house sleeping on the floor. I don't have a car and he drives his mothers. Neither of us has bank accounts, I mean it's terrible. I can't believe where in this situation. It's embarrassing. Where 27, with a daughter. There's just no excuse. I mean I'm not the type who lets this happen. I had a great job for about 5 years, my credit was great, I was able to do things that I liked, I was responsible. Him on the other hand went from job to job and depended on his mother. But either way I know we can do it, if we put our minds to it. I need to talk to him, I just don't know what the hell to say or how I could let him see it through my eyes. Idk, I guess we'll see. He is planning to come here on Friday to see Alex and to talk to me, but Idk what to say anymore, besides to give him an ultimatum, which is us or him.

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