Trying....

Things have been pretty crazy lately. Nick and I are still donezo and I don't know if we'll ever get back together. He has admitted to me that he does love me, but doesn't know if he's in love with me.....OUCH. That one hurt. So, I made the decision to say Goodbye and only talk to him if it concerns Alexandra. It is really hard because I do still love him. We've done this before and we manage to set things aside later for a quick fix and get back together, but it's just like stacking up our problems til the next big fight. I don't know? Sometimes I know Nick is the one for me, but we just have that love hate relationship. The kind where you can't live with them, you can't live without them. Ahhh, I hate it.
We got together earlier this week for lunch, the 3 of us. On Sunday we are getting together to have Alex's pictures taken, which is kinda weird. I just wanna try and be nice and see where that takes me and him. Only time will tell I guess. Well, I gotta get some rest, Goodnight.

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Valentine's Day.

On this day of love, I feel alone. I wanted to get up this morning and feel happy and make the day great for Alexandra, but it just reminds me of what I don't have.
As I think of couples and families together, I feel like I just want to cry. It's finally a beautiful sunny day and I have no plans.
I miss Nick and wish he was here. Alex is super cranky, I wonder if she wishes the same thing.
I wish I didn't feel this way.

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My Life Now....

As you can see I haven't been on in a couple months and there's a reason for that. Last time I wrote my family and I were looking for a new place to live, some really unexpected news came up and we were not able to get a place in time. So, we moved in with Nick's mom's house.
We were really lucky to have been invited to stay, since the holidays were just days away.
Well, while we were there Nick and I got into a huge fight and we split up.
So, I've been on the down low, ever since. I am completely sad and filled with thoughts of why.
We have been through so much in the past 5 years, it wasn't always perfect, but I knew he was the one for me. We just had very different views on big issues and he just thought it was more important than us I guess.
I don't know what the future will bring us, if maybe one day we'll put our differences aside and move on, but I hope it brings happiness no matter what. I just hope and pray that things will get better soon! Thanks for reading!

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I am BLESSED

At this time every year since I was born, is when the Christmas decorations, the lights, and of course the tree comes out. This year is different. We are not getting a tree, we don't have a place of our own to hang the lights or decorate, a living room to put a tree in, or even some spare cash to buy some presents, but I have never felt so BLESSED.
As I watch TV or see adds in magazines about Christmas shopping and decorations, goodies, and gifts, I fell humble. That even though we won't be able to afford much of anything this Christmas, I feel that I already have everything I could possibly need or want right here. My family.
My only wish is for a place to live by the end of the month and good wishes for the new year.
I Love my little family. I feel sad because for the first time, idk if we can get Alex anything from our own pockets, but I know that Christmas isn't all about gifts and she'll get some from other family members. I just feel with the little we do have, is enough. I also found more meaning this December, in little things. We might not be able to go and do the stuff we want, like shop and go to Disneyland like we talked about months ago, but i am finding other things to do that are just as satisfying.
All in all, I am truly Blessed to have the things I do have, because the truth is so many people are in a worse position than me. God bless!

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When will things get better?

Well, we didn't get the apartment. So, we're still looking. I hope we find something asap. But I think we'll have to wait til the 1st of January. I really wanted to be in our own place for Christmas, but oh well. It's been a tough month already and it's only the 9th! Just alot of drama and feeling sorry for myself. I just never thought I'd ever be in this position, you know? I'm sure we all find ourselves in situations where we think that very thing!
I just try to find the positive and I tell myself, "maybe it's just not god's plan for us." Which hurts like hell, but sometimes you gotta believe that. When Nick came home and told me the bad news, I told him to please take Alex out for awhile, so I could be alone. When that door shut, I just cried, as loud as I could. We have been through so much, from the top and down to the bottom. I just get so upset, like I'm sure many people do, to know that your a good person and yet always have problems. Idk, I just hope and pray that things will start looking up! I am so thankful for what we do have and that we have eachother!
Well, dinner is almost done, so I gotta go! God Bless!

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Pee Pee In The Potty!!!

Well, we woke up this morning (Alex and me) and we both went to restroom, I had Alex's' potty in there so I thought what the heck, so I took her diaper off, which I could tell she had just gone pee, She sat down for awhile, then her potty played a song! I looked to see if she went and there it was a few drops! LOL! I was proud of her and she got a little excited about the music! So, We did the whole process from there, to flushing it, washing hands, celebrating, to her treat! Hope I got her excited enough to try it again! Pretty Cool if you ask me!

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My life is on hold!

Hey people,
Seems I won't know if we got the apartment til Friday. =( God, I hope we get it. It is our last chance. There is so much going on, we just NEED this apartment. What a mess we've put ourselves in! Nick started his next quarter today, I'm so proud of him! I'm still having a problem with potty training, she will not go in her potty!! She'll get it with time, I'm just ready to change the last diaper! Of course with the excitment of getting a place,(especially since we haven't had our own in over a year) I've been looking for some great stuff for Alex's' new room! I'm thinking the Classic Winnie the Pooh stuff we have in storage is too baby for her! We'll have to wait on it though, maybe her birthday in may....We'll see!
Well, enough boring you with silly thoughts running in my head! Thank you for stopping by! Have a great day!

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Happy December *

Hello,
Things are still up in the air with the apartment, we go tomorrow to do the application part.We ran into some problems and it held us up a few days, so hopefully tomorrow we'll get some good news! I haven't been working on anything, it's been pretty crazy obviously and I've been extremely stressed out, so you can just imagine I'm sure!
We have been through quite a bit, these last few years, It's so time for some good stuff to start happening. So, I'm really hoping we get this place! We have some friends and family praying for us and that is a powerful thing. Whatever happens I'm sure it will happen for a reason. I'll keep you all posted! Thanks for stopping by!

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We found an apartment!!!!

We found the perfect apartment!!!! I am in love with it and it comes with the most amazing deal!!!!! Everything is great, all we need is for our credit to approve and that is what worries me. I have faith that everything will work out. It's just I hope it's in our favor. This would be the ultimate blessing for us at this time. If you read this, please send out a little prayer our way! We could use all the help we can get! Thanks!

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Thankful!

Although we are going through a rough time, we are certainly blessed. We have a roof over our head's, warmth from the cold, food in our bellies, our health, family and friends, and so much more! I'm so thankful for Alex and Nick, they make my life wonderful! This has been a tough year for us, but god has a plan for us and we're steady trying to figure it out! I think we have goals and dreams and I think that we will achieve them. It gets hard and takes a toll on all of us, even the ones that are close to us, but I know we'll get there! We have a wonderful support team who keep us on our feet and I am so thankful for them! I hope that next year is great! Nick will get his associates degree and continue his education and I'm curious to see where this designing will take me. I'm excited for Alex and starting some programs where she will be interacting with other toddlers her age! This should be a really great year for us! We have a chance to get back on our feet and somewhat start over. I pray for a good year for us and all those who are here with us going through trials and tribulations.

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